I Said I Would. Then I Didn't. But Could I have? No... But I said I Would!
I’m the the all in, draw a hard line, do-or-die type.
I don’t moderate but instead do “no alcohol for a month”. I did Duolingo for 90 days straight. For two months I ran, mediated and journaled every morning. I draw a hard line and stick to it. And for the most part, it works for long enough that it helps build better all around habits.
But once there’s a small break in the consistency, it all falls apart.
So when I started writing here on Common Vandal I told myself I couldn’t not publish everyday. Even one day off would cause the entire process to crumble.
But sure enough, three weeks in to my daily publishing, I missed not just one but TWO days.
Now here’s where it gets trick : the justification.
Monday I had a full day of travel. I took a red eye from Austin to London, a two hour layover and then a flight to Budapest. I was trashed all day.
I usually sleep well on planes but this time that just wasn’t the case.
9 hours in an isle seat kind with the dude next to me coughing and sneezing every minute doesn’t contribute to restful sleep. Getting on the plane I already was dealing with cedar fever and now this dude next to me is dying. On top of that I must have slept wrong and I woke up to terrible pain under my right ribs.
So needless to say by the time I woke up in London I felt terrible and the entire layover was spent not dying.
Then the flight to Budapest exasperated my rib problem to the point where I could barely walk. My back muscles were spasming and I was in some serious pain. I went straight to the tub for a long bath followed by herbal pills and a heat patch.
Writing and publishing an article just wasn’t in the cards.
The next day we all slept till noon. Thanks jet lag! It was our first full day in the city so we spent the four hours of daylight exploring the Christmas markets and meeting up with our friends for dinner.
No time to write. It just wasn’t going to happen.
I feel justified in my reason for not writing. It would have been really hard to make it happen. So I didn’t. But I said I would! But I didn’t.
I was thinking about this and how I set out to do one thing, then didn’t, and then how I justified it.
“Zach, it would have been crazy hard to publish on those days.”
“But could you have, right Zach?”
“I could have but would have it been worth it? Aren’t you doing this a creative outlet? How creative would you have been?”
“But you said you would! And didn’t…”
“I know I know but it just wasn’t right…”